Nice job on this essay--I give it a 5!
Strengths: You are well organized and well written, with clear opening and closing ideas supported by three clear paragraphs. Your reasoning is spot-on in terms of the flaws you identify; customers, competition, and more effective solutions to the employee knowledge problems are all missing from the prompt.
Opportunities: I didn't quite understand the distinction between the first two flaws you identified; they felt very similar. It's okay to have two points whose differences are only subtle, but you must make clear to the reader why you are making that distinction. Also, avoid language like "awful" in your opening paragraph. You are critiquing the author's argument, but you should be businesslike and dispassionate, not judgmental.
Overall, this is great work--good luck Saturday!
Strengths: You are well organized and well written, with clear opening and closing ideas supported by three clear paragraphs. Your reasoning is spot-on in terms of the flaws you identify; customers, competition, and more effective solutions to the employee knowledge problems are all missing from the prompt.
Opportunities: I didn't quite understand the distinction between the first two flaws you identified; they felt very similar. It's okay to have two points whose differences are only subtle, but you must make clear to the reader why you are making that distinction. Also, avoid language like "awful" in your opening paragraph. You are critiquing the author's argument, but you should be businesslike and dispassionate, not judgmental.
Overall, this is great work--good luck Saturday!